I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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