My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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