I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
