Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
