Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm passing your future prison.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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