i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
