Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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