the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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