hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
