boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
