So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
