We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
