We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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