better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
