They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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