You work out of a Hotel?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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