how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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