I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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