So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
