I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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