I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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