The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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