i can't believe i had my finger in that
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
