In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
