He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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