You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
