I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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