Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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