It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
