but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
