I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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