her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
