I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just forgot I was standing up.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
