I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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