had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
