I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
