At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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