is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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