I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
