just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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