Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
