Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
