just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
