I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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