i just wanna soil my oats bro
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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