party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
