Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
