Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize