Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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