I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think your dad took our porno
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
