farters have to be the big spoon...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
