omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
