You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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