I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
