life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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