my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
