And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
