Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
