Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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