She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
