Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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