I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
