so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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