When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
