He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
