I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize