My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She needs sedatives and a leash
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
